It must be tough to be 5 years old and not only have an iPhone, but also be required to physically walk around to get these damn Pokemon…really tough stuff there. Logan is absolutely wailing right now because he can’t “just make the guy walk around.” It really seems like five is going to be a challenging year. Smdh… #whitekidproblems #firstworldproblems #whenIwasyouragesmh #PokemonGo #thatsthewholepoint #fivenager #isthatathing #itisnow #wheresthewine 😡😳😱😲
Re: this article:
I saw something else posted earlier this week about the whole “Black lives matter” movement that I’ve been brushing off with my “all lives matter” (white) view of the world that completely changed my mind:
#BlackLivesMatter doesn’t mean other lives don’t. Like, people who say “Save the rainforests” aren’t saying “Fuck all other types of forests”
I can’t lie…having an adopted black brother myself, I’ve falsely put myself into the category she describes where “I can’t possibly be racist at all…” because of such. She’s right though, in reality I’m no less (and no more) biased about anyone different from myself, other than my own brother, than I would be had he not been a part of our family. And I’ll also admit that I do (or did) assume that he won’t be treated any differently than my other siblings because he’s part of a white family (because this somehow makes him less black? Nope, think again…)
What I really have to remember is that while he’s out with his friends, while he’s out alone, hell even when he’s out with his white family (or really some white some Hispanic if we’re being technical), people see him as black first. If he’s out alone, the police won’t know he’s from a “nice white family” and no harm at all to the world. He will be treated as a black kid which will be subject to whomever he may be interacting with at that moment. My 10 year old brother doesn’t have a hateful bone in his body, and yet the world will implicitly judge him as somehow more “dangerous” or “threatening” than his white siblings.
It scares me and it’s so sad that this has to be something we say to our black children, but she puts the advice perfectly in the article: “When Trayvon Martin was killed, I had to sit Clay down and tell him if he is ever involved with police that he be respectful, EVEN IF THEY GOT IT WRONG AND HE IS INNOCENT. I told him to comply, put his hands up, be respectful, don’t resist. I told him to do whatever they want and when he gets to the police station to call me and we will work it out from there.”
Is this the best we can do as Americans?? As humans?? #werebetterthanthis #spreadlove #wagmorebarkless ✌🏼️🇺🇸👦🏻👧🏼👦🏽👧🏾👦🏿🇺🇸✌🏼
Soooo…we had the twins…. [excited screams] 7 weeks ago tomorrow lol. I have been meaning to post for quite some time but I’ve been, well, rather busy with newborn twins and all. But better late than never…
For all the insanity that was their brother’s birth story, theirs is equally uneventful. Water broke Saturday morning around 8:15am and by 2:00 that afternoon we had babies in our arms. Straight off to the c-section this time, I wasn’t about to play around with two making their entrance. Though to be fair with the girls I did go into legit labor on my own (unlike their brother who needed a pitocin line to get things moving) and with them both head down, I had the choice to go for a VBAC….the surgeon even mentioned it as they were wheeling me into the OR. But it was a hard pass on my end. Plus, I’d forgotten exactly how much contractions suck a bag of dicks and wanted to be done with all of that nonsense pretty much as soon as I walked into the hospital.
IMHO the c-section was the best decision I could have made…recovery was SO much easier without having the added exhaustion of roughly 2 days of labor and 5 hours of unsuccessful pushing, only to be under general anesthesia for the birth itself. This time I actually got in trouble the second day for going pee by myself too early. What can I say, classic overachiever I am and all. The girls were totally healthy, albeit just tiny little things at roughly 4 & 3/4 pounds a piece. No NICU time, no special interventions. I was even nursing them like a champ when we left the hospital just 4 days later. A wonderful little story to cherish. #Delicatwins
And then, of course, we came home and the reality of a life with an almost-five-year-old and twin newborns set in. And I blinked and 7 weeks have flown by. I imagine I’ll say pretty much the same thing when they’re 7 months and then 7 years old down the road….
So much to talk about…the ludicracy of going back to work at 8 or 9 or even 12 weeks postpartum is a big one right now. But for tonight I’ll call this a win, after all I’ve been writing this post for the better part of 7 weeks as it is and it’s nearly midnight so I don’t want to have to go back and change my titles and shit lol 😉
I promise, very soon I’ll divulge all the insanity that exists in the world of raising twin baby girls…
Although I will concede that ultrasounds are not, in fact, the most reliable of measurement sources at the end of a pregnancy, I’m still reveling in the awesomeness of myself that I’m managing to haul around 10.5 lbs of healthy Delicata girl babies every day now. Yup, 10.5 lbs…Ari measured at 5 lbs even, Dani came in at 5 lbs 8 oz. And I’m not even stuck on bedrest or making everyone around me do everything for me. Pretty badass. And wombos maxima indeed at this point. These not-so-teeny little girls will be making their appearance any day now, at the very most 11 days from now they’ll be evicted if they haven’t shown up by then. And of course, I’m looking as huge as ever lol…
Being on week 4 now of my maternity leave, I have an inordinate amount of time to waste on Facebook and other junk on my phone, but nothing has been annoying me quite like FB has lately. Maybe it’s because everything annoys me these days…maybe it’s because the people I know really are annoying. Maybe a little of both. I don’t know. But what I do know is I’m about 3 annoying posts away from deleting the app altogether and never looking back.
I can’t tell what’s the worst – the idiots on my page rambling improperly spelled garbage within a sea of bad grammar, the endless “quiz” nonsense posts that tell you your “5 top FB friends” or your fucking “Disney spirit animal” or whatever the fuck else, or if it’s the self-righteous, “perfect-life” posts from people who clearly have everything figured out (and done right…) It’s all junk at this point to me. Right up there on my list with mom-shaming (or choice-shaming in general really) and having to listen to people chew. Maybe these babies just really need to vacate so I can go back to being a normally cynical person, instead of the hell-beast that pregnancy has once again turned me into. Or at least just give me my wine back, then things won’t bother me so much (or I won’t care if they do lol).
11 more days…but feel free to come sooner girls. We’re ready 😉
So I did realize the other day that I haven’t posted any pictures yet of my hugeness, and let’s be honest – if you’re reading a twin mom blog you obviously want to see some pictures of the grotesqueness as it develops. So here’s a shot from last week – I’m 33 weeks in these.
Good, got that out of the way, at least once. Now in these I do look roughly like a normal woman at full term, but keep in mind that I still have 5 weeks left till delivery here (and 7 weeks until my actual due date). So I still have a lot of growing to be done, as do the girls. They’re weighing in at just over 4 lbs each as of my 34 week appointment yesterday. So while they’ve got a little meat on their bones just in case they decide to come early, I still want to keep them in the oven at least a few more weeks to fatten up and all of that.
And of course, so I can take full advantage of all the perks of maternity leave for a few more weeks (and by that I basically mean the receiving of short term disability while I’m home sleeping 16 hours a day). Because, as the title suggests, I have told myself a lot of lies about what maternity leave would entail, and at the end of the day (days…) I basically just sleep and eat and turn food into humans while watching old seasons of Game of Thrones.
1. I’ll have the girls’ room ready in the first week – you know, just in case they decide to come early, everything will be all ready for them to come home. HAHAHA. The whole first week, to be fair, I loaded with appointments and other things I’d been putting off for months so it was pretty busy anyway, aside from the fact that straight exhaustion has taken over. Either way, the girls’ room isn’t done yet.
2. I’ll get their clothes all organized so I’ll know exactly what they still need. I surprised myself with how much laundry I did get done for them during the first week, but alas…their closet, much like the rest of their room, is still not quite finished.
3. I’ll catch up on that homework I’ve been meaning to do. Oh, did I mention, I technically still take classes and my current one doesn’t end until May 3rd? Ugh…yea there’s that. And the homework that still isn’t getting done for it. Mainly because of the aforementioned constant sleeping…
4. I’ll get bored having all this time and nothing to do. Given that I’ve been working since I was roughly 14 years old and have only had the 6 week stint when Logan was born where I wasn’t working, I’ll surely go crazy with too much time on my hands, right?? Wrong. Still a very long to-do list lurking, the ever impending arrival of the Delicatwins, and the pull of sheer exhaustion dragging me to the couch or my bed constantly. Granted, I’m only a week and a half in so maybe there will come a time when I’m just swimming in “extra time” but we’re definitely not there yet.
5. I’ll write more blog posts. Well, seeing as how I’m already 10 days in and this is my first post so far, it’s fair to say this one has met the same fate as the other lies I’ve told myself. But hey, who knows, maybe I really will start posting more like I always intend to. Maybe….
I could go on for quite a while, but basically it comes down to more shit that’s not getting done because I grossly overestimated the amount of energy I’d have to put into said activities. I guess growing two humans is probably as good of an excuse to sleep all day as you’re gonna get. Here’s to a few more weeks of it left!!
Just unfollowed a breastfeeding FB page because they were too crunchy, bordering really on militant, even for me. Yes, even for me…
Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m all for breastfeeding. Like very much so. I actually don’t understand the choice to formula feed, as in doing so not because breastfeeding isn’t working and you have to make sure the baby is fed, but as your choice from the get-go. I’d love to have a conversation with someone about it, because I’m honestly just curious and not judging whatsoever but haven’t had the opportunity to hear anyone else explain it. And I happen to be polite enough not to make people explain themselves for their parenting choices when it comes up in casual public contexts. I really don’t care how anyone feeds their baby as long as they’re being fed, I’m just curious about the choice to not even give breastfeeding a try. But that’s beside the point.
At the opposite end of the playing field, there are the breastfeeding moms who insist on taking their shirts off for every feed, regardless of where they are, and then berating said formula moms for their inability to parent properly…these are the kinds moms who were running this particular FB page. Militant. 🙄 I genuinely don’t know what the big deal about having a small amount of modesty out in public is. I don’t understand why people freak out about any breastfeeding at all in public either, but much like being at the beach, we do all have a choice as to how much (or how little) of ourselves to expose.
Personally, I’ll admit that I’m more on the shy side of the fence when it comes to the public nudity. Sober at least, when I’m good and sauced I pretty much couldn’t care less about anything lol. But maybe that’s why I don’t get the big deal of trying to cover just a little bit, because I’m already going to try and do that either way based on my personal preferences. But it just doesn’t seem all that difficult to not have an entire tit flopped out on the table…I’m not even talking about covering with a blanket or nursing cover, I think you can be reasonably well covered once there is a latch just by the way you hold the baby and also based in the kind of shirt you’re wearing. Like if you have a turtleneck on, maybe don’t try to pull your boob through the neck piece. Go with the lift-up from the waist. Is it really that hard?
And this FB page, given my thoughts right there, would have absolutely trashed both my opinion and my very “loyalty” to the breastfeeding cause and to women in general, just because I don’t see the need to be flinging titties all over the damn place veiled as basic feeding necessity. It seems more obnoxious than that. Like, I don’t care if a guy is peeing in some bushes…but when he starts waving his dick all around in my face then yea, I might start getting offended at that point. And honestly it’s not even that I disagree with moms who choose to breastfeed however they want to. What do I care?? Flash your titties all over the damn place as far as I’m concerned. But don’t be surprised that the rest of the world isn’t as accepting of it. You have to kind of understand that not everyone feels the same way, and you might get side glances or comments just as someone who chooses to have green hair or many facial piercings or any other type of “non-norm” decisions might. And YES (sigh), I get and sympathize that breastfeeding should be totally normal in all of its forms, etc etc etc, but let’s be real…right now we’re just not quite there yet. Be glad you live in 2016 where we are a lot closer to it being the norm than the moms in the 1960’s for example who were told that breastfeeding was only for poor people and that babies were better off drinking formula. We’ve come a long way baby…
Rant over. Anyway, point is I’m sick of the mom shaming, and it definitely comes from all directions.
Admittedly I should have written this post 6 days ago when I was still in the glow of said best weekend ever. But hey, maybe writing about it will bring me back a little bit…
So last Friday my OB was oh so kind as to promise that I only had to make it through two more weeks of work and then she’d write me out to start maternity leave, and I’d start getting short term disability. Now I won’t go on a soapbox about the problems with America and family leave, nor the fact that we’re classifying pregnancy/childbirth as a “disability,” but obviously we’re regrettably behind the rest of the world as far as ensuring that new or expanding families get taken care of and don’t go bankrupt trying to bond with their new babies. Like I said, don’t get me started lol…
But who cares about any of that when they just said I have a real, finite time before I get to leave the hellhole of a job I have?!? (I’m whining, it’s not really that bad, but I do hate it and I’m so, so done with it like 3 months ago). No but seriously, I sang “Oh Happy Day” like Sister Act that Friday when she told me that. 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I could probably have run a marathon on all the adrenaline that was coursing through me. AN END!! And more than 4 days before my scheduled c-section even, which had previously been the game plan and would have meant another 6 weeks of work after what I have left to work as it is. And as long as all goes well, it means I’ll have real time before they arrive to get things ready at home or just sleep 16 hours a day, or whatever the hell I want to do till they vacate my body. With Logan, I literally called out of work the day my water broke and we went to the hospital, so the prospect of real leave time before the arrival was golden. It was pure bliss hearing that news, my body didn’t hurt excessively for like a whole 18 hours I swear.
So there was that, which was plenty all on its own, and then on Sunday our friends threw us an amazing shower. Like, I was seriously impressed and that’s the kind of shit I rock at. It was a shower like I’d have put on, and not to be a bitch but that’s a big compliment. The girls were of course well spoiled, and their wardrobe is definitely starting to fill out (thank God, because little as they may be, those clothes add up really freaking quick). Definitely one of my favorites was the super cute matching onesie/tutu/hair band set made by one of our good friends: Needless to say, last Monday I was riding pretty high. The effects have worn off, especially after a long week of work (arguably one of the longer weeks, of course). But one down, only one left…five days is all I have to pull through…and then let the nesting begin!! (And/or the excessive sleeping, you know…whatever works…)
Admittedly, this post is a bit overdue…
So the babies finally (FINALLY) have names!! First and middle names even!! (When I first started this post Monday afternoon, middle names weren’t set yet, but I was still calling it a win because two first names for girls were effing SOOOO hard to come up with!!)
Naming them was such a challenge for a couple reasons…the biggest of which is probably that my husband and I have very different name styles that we like – something we already knew after having to name Logan five years ago and having a hard enough time just doing the one. Dan likes more traditional (read: boring) names while I prefer more modern (in his opinion, weird) name choices. So he was throwing out names like Jennifer, Kelly, Amber, etc. while I was going for choices like Aubrey, Piper, Zoe, and so on. I told him that if we knew 20 people our own age with the name that he could assume I wasn’t going to go for it lol.
Then on top of it, the names have to sound nice together, be able to stand up individually, and also go with both our last names and Logan’s name. It was a hot mess, honestly, and we had weeks on end where we just didn’t talk about names at all to avoid the frustration. But eventually, we settled on them and then quickly got them onto Facebook before one of the 30 other pregnant moms we know could “take” one of them and we’d have to start the process all over again.
SO…I’m very, very proud to lay claim to my girls’ names: Arielle Piper (Baby A) and Daniela Rylee (Baby B). Dani and Ari for short…and we’re hoping the spelling of Arielle will help people pronounce it the way we want them to (Ahh-ree-ell as opposed to air-ee-uhl like from The Little Mermaid). They’re both beautiful full names, have cute nicknames, go well together and individually, and sound great alongside Logan and with our last names too. Cute on tiny babies and names they can put on job applications as adults without grimacing. Total package. And now that we’ve made it “Facebook official” I couldn’t care less if someone else steals one because they’re unique enough that we’ll all know they just took our idea. Perfect.
Fun facts: Coincedentally, both girls’ names have the same number of letters in them…I’m a total numbers nerd so when I realized this I was stoked (yup, go ahead, go back and count them, I know you want to…). And Daniela, who is obviously named after her father, has the same initials as him too, DRD (“Dr. D” my husband calls it). Her middle name is also spelled the way it is because originally I’d wanted to give the middle name Lee to one of the girls – it’s both my and my dad’s middle name – but once we picked the first names, I found I didn’t like it with either one (and we sure as hell weren’t going back to the first name conversation) so after Dan suggested Rylee and we agreed on that, I realized I could still sneak Lee in there if we spelled it Rylee instead of Riley. Boom.
The names also give a nod, albeit loosely, to two badass characters from Game of Thrones – Danaerys(/Khaleesi) is often called Dany in the books, and Arya is called “Arry” while she’s on the run from King’s Landing. Amazing, strong, self-sufficient girls. Then Logan of course is the “real” name of Wolverine, so we clearly just have a habit of picking badass character names for our kids…
So why all the fuss about naming them so soon in the first place? Aside from my classic Type A need to have everything planned in advance, I also had a very real fear that if we couldn’t pick them in the time we had before they were born, they might never have names at all. Or we’d settle on something mediocre just to get it over with. I feel like it also helps us bond with them a little more before they’re even here…it’s a little more personal and “real” when I can refer to either of them by name.
But the biggest reason, the thing that was really starting to get to me, was that whenever the subject came up and we said that we didn’t have names picked out, people felt the need to start throwing out suggestions at us. Drove me crazy. About half of the time it was “name them after me!” and the other half it was awful names or pairs of names that I hated and then had to try and nicely deflect without hurting their feelings. Every freaking time…both annoying as all hell. And on the rare occasion that someone suggested one that wasn’t terrible, I immediately got turned off even if I did previously like it, because later on I didn’t want anyone else to be able to say that they had named one of my kids.
So mostly I just avoided the conversation with others as best as I could. Once you pick the name(s), I’ve found that people are usually fairly good about shutting their mouths if their opinion of it isn’t so great. Which is good, cuz they’re my kids and in the end I’ll call them whatever the hell I want to…
That is the question of the hour….well, sort of…
Just short of 2 hours from my latest ultrasound and 26 week appointment, I’m contemplating what the coming weeks will be like should they decide to put me on bed rest. It’s kind of a double edged sword…like, sure it’d be nice not to have to go to work anymore – especially since I really don’t love anything about the job or the 40-minutes-each-way commute that complicates all plans as we get closer to “go” time. But at the same time, there are financial considerations of course that have their own implications if I have to leave work at this point (health insurance, Short Term Disability pay, not enough paid time earned up between now and when the STD kicks in, etc…)
But even more so than that is the dual fear that A) we’re completely totally not ready for these babies whatsoever yet, like as in they have a nursery with a bunch of stuff just hanging out ready to be re-washed and prepared and about 6 outfits total for them to wear (hell, our shower isn’t even for another 4 weeks…); and B) they’re totally not ready for us just yet either…I mean sure, 26 weeks is past the threshold of viability, but just barely, and their birth at this point would mean months and months of time in the NICU and struggles just to stay alive and get healthy. Not to mention the lasting effects of such prematurity moving forward in their lives. Scary shit…
So what is it that even brings the bed rest question into my head right now? Well there are the increasingly frequent contractions, which at this point are very most likely just Braxton Hicks and totally harmless and normal. Until they aren’t. Like every effing symptom of pregnancy, it’s normal until it isn’t. Puking is normal, until it lands you in the hospital and on an IV. Running warm constantly is normal, until your core temp spikes for hours and you start to literally cook your baby(/ies) within yourself. So BH’s yes, they’re normal and even more common/early/frequent with twins…until they’re actually changing the cervix and throwing you into preterm labor. Which is something I can’t know without the aid of an ultrasound tech who knows what the hell she’s looking at, or at the least an OB who can take a peek and see what she thinks. Then there’s this other thing – “pelvic pressure” – which I’m not totally certain even what the hell that means but it’s another sign of preterm labor and that’s pretty much my mom-paranoia topic of the moment. Like, it definitely feels like someone is wrenching my hips open as though giant thumbs are at my back and their hands are prying open my pelvis from behind. But I have twins sitting side-by-side in my uterus and growing like freaking weeds so what the hell should I expect?!
ALSO, my Logan has increasingly been talking about the babies coming as though it’s impending like days and not a couple months…I’m trying hard to chalk that up to an excited 4 year old getting siblings for the first time, but there’s also this little voice in my head saying “kids just know these things sometimes….” so we’re back in the land of mom paranoia there too. Ugh….
Regardless, obviously hoping just for healthy babies. Even hoping for slightly big babies for date, since the danger of preterm labor is SO much higher with twins and my Logan was a peanut at full-term to begin with anyway. Definitely hoping to pass my glucose test too, since the thought of a world without binge eating ice cream to feed two hungry humans (three hungry humans, let’s be honest…) is a world I don’t want to be a part of – cue a sassy new song for Ariel there…
And I’m really, really, REALLY hoping these little monkeys get over their stage fright and show off their lady bits (or otherwise) so I can more confidently start decking their room out in pink, buying cute little dresses, and maybe someday even finally come up with names for them… Girls – no one in this family is shy, your mother least of anyone, so it’s time you learned to follow suit… 🎀🎀🙌🏻😘
The Twins are 2 girls…surprise!!! Now that the initial shock has worn off, I finally have the brain space that’s needed to go into the news we got a couple weeks ago. Honestly, to say I was shocked is a gross understatement; I think it’s more accurate to say I was devastated. I don’t think I’d ever (or we’d ever, my husband included) really appreciated how much we *love* having our little boy – there’s just that extra special bond between a momma and her son that’s a different world entirely than anything else in existence. Of course you love your child for being your child, there’s never been any doubt there, but the absolute adoration for the fact that he is a boy had definitely been underestimated right up until the moment they said the second twin was “most likely” a girl. I was crushed to find out that we wouldn’t have another son…
Now, to be fair, Baby A was uncooperative for the entirety of the nearly 2 hour anatomy scan they did. They checked back in on her several times, but not only were her little legs crossed, she was also facing backwards the whole time. The tech said she was “80-90% sure” that A was a girl, but that the positioning was a real killer for being able to be certain. Baby B had her legs crossed at first too, but did eventually reveal that she was a girl for us (apparently, anyway…I didn’t ever actually see the girl parts, as the tech didn’t point them out specifically…but I suppose I trust her judgement). So if I’m being genuinely truthful, I think my husband and I are still holding out hope in that 10-20% margin that A will end up being a boy. I see my OB in 2 days for a regular checkup and I’m going to beg and plead to see if she’ll take a look so we can know for sure.
My reaction to the news was pretty surprising, even to myself. We’d been seriously hoping that they were one of each, and I’d joked that “of course it’ll be two girls…” but I don’t think I ever really believed that to be true. I was actually terrified that that would be the outcome. The day after we found out, I literally cried that whole afternoon; that first day I think I was just so stunned that I couldn’t even process it yet…and honestly just thinking about it all I have tears welling up once again. I have 5 younger brothers, I have my son…I get boys. I know what to do with them. I have every single piece of clothing and every toy that Logan has ever had, just waiting for my next little boy. What do you mean my entire world is going to change to pink and girly and completely unknown?!
I even wondered if I’d have felt the same way if they’d told me I was having 2 boys, since that would mean no girls at all for us…my husband thinks I would have been just as upset, but I’m not so sure. Actually, he’s probably right – I guess I would be bummed that we’d never get a little girl of our own. Especially for Dan; I might not have cared quite as much myself, but Dan really wanted a girl this time around…he even cheered a little when they told us that Baby B was a girl. But he was pretty stunned himself after the news of two girls came later during the scan. Even Logan didn’t quite know how to react…at first he told me I was wrong, that it was actually one of each. Then he was upset for maybe 30 seconds, and after that he was pretty OK with it. He’s basically in the same boat that we are – there’s not much we can do about it, so we might as well get excited, lol. I’d be willing to bet I’ll get a lot of shit for feeling that way, but hey – what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t be honest about what you’re going through.
Obviously I’m happy for two healthy babies; everything looks great and they’re growing and right on track and have no issues that we have found at this point. Everyone else is excited for them and some people, my mom and sister included, are very, very thrilled with the news. And once I started filling up the baby registry, I realized how much fun girls are to shop for (arguably much more fun than boys) and finally started to think about the fun girl things we’d get to do with them – dance classes, mani/pedis, the DRESSES, etc… The news has sunk in and we’re finally talking about names and colors for the nursery and all of that fun stuff that comes with two new babies on the way. After they’re here I’m sure that we’ll never be able to imagine life any other way and I’m quite sure our lives will revolve around them the same way they revolve around Logan now. Of course, now that we’re adjusted to it we’ll end up finding out otherwise at my appointment Thursday, but hey – after the initial news, I think we can handle pretty much anything that comes our way!!