Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

When you finally grow up….

The thing about when you finally grow up is that it doesn’t happen all at once. I mean, maybe for some people it does, but for me it didn’t. It took me the better part of 6 years worth of having kid(s), 7 years of marriage, and a late night trip to Walmart for essentials for me to get there. Cruising down the aisles with only trash bags and two gallons of milk in my arms, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All the shit I wanted – all of those cool things and impulse buys that you pass when having to go all the effing way to the back of the store for a gallon of milk – I saw them all so clearly that night for whatever reason…along with just when those impulse buys faded away for me, one by one through the years. Adulting at its finest, #truth ✌🏻.

Maybe it was from watching our wedding video with Logan earlier that day; maybe it was just that life was becoming so overwhelming and intolerable, honestly. And maybe it was just time. Looking at the “treat” of a king sized Reese’s I got for myself, since the kids are in bed after all, and the Kit Kat I got for Dan (because it would be inconsiderate to come home without something for him too), all while trying to go as quickly as possible so as not to lose my slick-mom-wine-buzz I’ve achieved tonight, it hits like a wrecking ball. It’s this wonderfully terrifying combination of hollow, accomplished, defeated pride that I can only imagine is what comes standard with a pack of 3 kids, a house you can’t afford and two jobs that aren’t cutting it. Yikes, lol 😳. Oh well. 

As I pull up to the McD’s window for my dinner (that yes, I am finally going to eat…after a fat bowl-skie or two when I get back home…) I remember that it was I who used to work that same late night drive-thru shift at a McD’s near the UCONN campus – with the same combination of nice, reasonable people like myself just trying to get some food real quick along with some dicks who were total assholes because they were drunk, or young, or just stupid, much like the ones in line with me right now – and I realize that while everything has changed, nothing has really changed at all…. 🤔😳🤦🏼‍♀️✌🏻

Adulthood, Babies, Bad Day, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Ari’s ER Adventure…

Kind of a rough post after 2 (or more?) months without an update, but there’s only one of me and so much to do on the regular lol. But I don’t want the fuss of posting this to Facebook in realtime and I can’t not document the experience either…
So. I’m in the ER with a sick baby for the very first time….and it’s pretty terrifying. With the exception of Logan’s broken arm at the end of this past summer, none of my kids had ever had an ER trip, something I was pretty proud of. If you know me at all, you know I’m not an alarmist, a germaphobe, or someone who runs to the doctor’s office over every little cough or scrape. Much less a visit to the ER. They basically have to be dying for me to go in. But after a long conversation first with the on-call nurse and then the on-call doctor, we decided to play it safe (so as to make sure she isn’t dying…) and head down to the hospital. Logan cried when I said he couldn’t come and just did not want to hear about how boring the ordeal would be for him or how I didn’t want him in the hospital exposed to crap that he didn’t need to be exposed to. So I kissed my teary eyed five-year-old good night and headed into the dark with my middle child Arielle (my older twin…by like 30 seconds…aka Sick Child…) to go to the ER and see just what it is that’s going on. 

12/22/16 9:00pm – we check into Day Kimball’s ER, the local hospital in the area. Place is along the lines of that quote “though she be but little, she is fierce” cuz it’s basically a full service hospital in a tiny, rural area. You get sent to a major city for treatment if you need more than they can give you here, and like it becomes a no-joke situation. Anyway, we get checked in, smooth and easy and everyone fawns over how cute Sick Child is. And then I tell them she has a twin and I think one just dropped to the floor in awe lol. 

9:15p – We get into an ER room and they take Sick Child’s temp…103.3, which is even higher than the 103.0 that made me call the pedi on-call in the first place at about 7:30. Even more troubling, this is after giving her Tylenol at 7:45ish which should have brought it right down. They tell us to hang tight, make us comfortable on the bed, and Sick Child passes out nice and hard for one of the first times all day.  

10:10p – They finally bring her some Motrin to work on that fever, which of course wakes her up and she goes back to grunting and moaning at me so that I know full well that she is not feeling well. Dr says she’ll be in to evaluate soon. 

10:38p – No sign of Dr yet, but Sick Child has fallen back asleep so she’ll probably be here any minute. In other news, I’ve figured out how to use Snapchat filters. You’re welcome in advance, world…

10:45p – Dr comes in (told you it would be any minute now), evaluates, and orders chest X-ray and does RSV test swab. And now we wait….

11:10p – Chest X-ray done, featuring this contraption which looks like it’s from the mid-1800’s or so. Sick child is not pleased. 

11:30pm – While waiting for the X-ray and RSV test results, Sick Child decides to try out some new looks for Christmas Day festivities to keep the mood light lol #snapchatfilters #defgonnaoverusethese

12/23, 1:00am(ish) – I’m woken by the sweetest, gentelest arm shake from the Dr at the ER. Sick Child and I had apparently both fallen asleep… X-rays negative for pneumonia, but she’s positive for RSV and her breathing is still way faster than it should be (and it’s been hours at this point). They’re transferring her to CT Children’s Medical Center so she can be admitted and observed (for at least) overnight. They say it could be 24-48 hours though….I’m seriously hoping that will not be the case. But anything at all for baby girl to feel better and be safe. Massive texting with husband and mom to figure out logistics ensues. 

1:40am – Sick Child and I take our first ride in an ambulance  together…not how I’d have chosen to try out an ambulance ride (though, really what scenario is good to try an ambulance ride anyway?) Sick Child sleeps like a baby (see what I did there lol) nearly the whole ride dispite some serious bumpiness. 

2:40a – We arrive at CT Children’s Medical Center (CCMC) and Sick Child has perked back up during the ambulance ride. Oxygen levels back up to normal, but they’re still gonna admit her and monitor everything. Nurses and Drs start checking all the symptoms and going through all the questions again. I’m honestly exhausted at this point, physically and mentally. Did I mention I was also up till like 3:30a last night finishing Big Brother’s school gifts for his little classmates? Cuz yea, I was…

3:30a – Mean nurses come in to start an IV drip on Sick Child, poke her poor little hand and create this big wrap around her arm so she doesn’t pull it out. She’s so lethargic at this point that instead of wailing like I expected when stuck, she just moans at me some more and looks at me like, “make them stop mommmm…” **Disclaimer: the nurses were actually very sweet and nice and wonderful. They just put a needle in my sweet baby girl and it was no fun at all to have to watch, that’s all. 

3:50a – Nurses come in to try a nebulizer/albuterol treatment on Sick Child to see if that helps the breathing at all. Dr says that it is kind of unlikely to do much, but that it doesn’t hurt and if it does work then that’s a good step in the right direction. Adorable mini dinosaur nebulizer is used, and I’m a little upset that it seems inappropriate to take a picture of its cuteness. 

4:10a – Nebulizer, as predicted, does not do much for Sick Child and we get wheeled in to the respiratory distress room to put her on a high-flow oxygen line. They suction out her nose and throat (and lungs maybe? That tube looked pretty long…) and what appears to be half her body weight in mucus comes out and goes away in a tube to somewhere that must be infinitely disgusting. High-flow oxygen is started and Sick Child is noticably more comfortable almost immediately. 

4:45 – Grandma arrives in the ER just in time as they’re about to admit Sick Child. I’m just relieved that if I suddenly pass out from exhaustion that someone will be there to catch her…

5:10a – Sick Child and I get wheeled up to the PICU and when we arrive at her room and I see a crib, I realize I’m going to have to put her down so the medical team can do what they need to…for the first time during this whole ordeal I start to tear up but offer her to the mercy of the professionals anyway…


5:50a – Deep sleep finally (for her) while grandma and I sit and stare at her. And so ends the adventure of the ER…

Ari’s stay would last 5 days, 4 of which were in the PICU, putting us in the hospital for the babies’ first Christmas. Hellish and terrifying but nothing to make you realize what you’re made of like watching your little one fighting like that in a hospital bed. This is where the crazy idea to go to nursing school truly stems from…. 


Adulthood, Babies, Bad Day, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

That Post You Don’t Want to Post but You Have to because that’s Just Where You Are Right Now

Omg so….I don’t even know where we’re at with stories of the twins and all the happy nonsense I typically post. This is not that post. I’ve had a hellish week, a little wine, and want to vent to the world about just wtf like wtf has happened here. 

My life feels like hell. Like that wonderful “I have three healthy,wonderful kids and a great husband” kind of hell but I can assure you it does exist. I’ve had awful anxiety basically all month but especially the past week because I sucked dry my supply of good anxiety drugs too early in the month and now I’m SOL to deal with things on my own. I self medicate with wine. I pretend I know what the hell I’m doing, but I haven’t got a clue. 

I feel like I must definitely spend more time with my “more difficult” twin and feel bad about that. Whether or not it’s even true is another story entirely. They each have their days, but Dani seems to have more than Ari if I think about it. I feel like I have just not got a clue what the hell in supposed to be doing as I try (SO FUCKING HARD) to fulfill both the needs of my now 4 month old twins and my 5 year old who just started kindergarten. I feel like I’m failing constantly. I feel like I can’t keep it together. Like for real. 

And that’s how this week has been. Just. Fucking. Awful. Ugh…

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic

PokeMongo

It must be tough to be 5 years old and not only have an iPhone, but also be required to physically walk around to get these damn Pokemon…really tough stuff there. Logan is absolutely wailing right now because he can’t “just make the guy walk around.” It really seems like five is going to be a challenging year. Smdh… #whitekidproblems #firstworldproblems #whenIwasyouragesmh #PokemonGo #thatsthewholepoint #fivenager #isthatathing #itisnow #wheresthewine 😡😳😱😲

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Wombos Maxima, Indeed…

Although I will concede that ultrasounds are not, in fact, the most reliable of measurement sources at the end of a pregnancy, I’m still reveling in the awesomeness of myself that I’m managing to haul around 10.5 lbs of healthy Delicata girl babies every day now. Yup, 10.5 lbs…Ari measured at 5 lbs even, Dani came in at 5 lbs 8 oz. And I’m not even stuck on bedrest or making everyone around me do everything for me. Pretty badass. And wombos maxima indeed at this point. These not-so-teeny little girls will be making their appearance any day now, at the very most 11 days from now they’ll be evicted if they haven’t shown up by then. And of course, I’m looking as huge as ever lol… 

Being on week 4 now of my maternity leave, I have an inordinate amount of time to waste on Facebook and other junk on my phone, but nothing has been annoying me quite like FB has lately. Maybe it’s because everything annoys me these days…maybe it’s because the people I know really are annoying. Maybe a little of both. I don’t know. But what I do know is I’m about 3 annoying posts away from deleting the app altogether and never looking back. 

I can’t tell what’s the worst – the idiots on my page rambling improperly spelled garbage within a sea of bad grammar, the endless “quiz” nonsense posts that tell you your “5 top FB friends” or your fucking “Disney spirit animal” or whatever the fuck else, or if it’s the self-righteous, “perfect-life” posts from people who clearly have everything figured out (and done right…) It’s all junk at this point to me. Right up there on my list with mom-shaming (or choice-shaming in general really) and having to listen to people chew. Maybe these babies just really need to vacate so I can go back to being a normally cynical person, instead of the hell-beast that pregnancy has once again turned me into. Or at least just give me my wine back, then things won’t bother me so much (or I won’t care if they do lol). 

11 more days…but feel free to come sooner girls. We’re ready 😉

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Lies I Told Myself about Maternity Leave

So I did realize the other day that I haven’t posted any pictures yet of my hugeness, and let’s be honest – if you’re reading a twin mom blog you obviously want to see some pictures of the grotesqueness as it develops. So here’s a shot from last week – I’m 33 weeks in these. 

Good, got that out of the way, at least once. Now in these I do look roughly like a normal woman at full term, but keep in mind that I still have 5 weeks left till delivery here (and 7 weeks until my actual due date). So I still have a lot of growing to be done, as do the girls. They’re weighing in at just over 4 lbs each as of my 34 week appointment yesterday. So while they’ve got a little meat on their bones just in case they decide to come early, I still want to keep them in the oven at least a few more weeks to fatten up and all of that. 

And of course, so I can take full advantage of all the perks of maternity leave for a few more weeks (and by that I basically mean the receiving of short term disability while I’m home sleeping 16 hours a day). Because, as the title suggests, I have told myself a lot of lies about what maternity leave would entail, and at the end of the day (days…) I basically just sleep and eat and turn food into humans while watching old seasons of Game of Thrones. 

1. I’ll have the girls’ room ready in the first week – you know, just in case they decide to come early, everything will be all ready for them to come home. HAHAHA. The whole first week, to be fair, I loaded with appointments and other things I’d been putting off for months so it was pretty busy anyway, aside from the fact that straight exhaustion has taken over. Either way, the girls’ room isn’t done yet. 

2. I’ll get their clothes all organized so I’ll know exactly what they still need. I surprised myself with how much laundry I did get done for them during the first week, but alas…their closet, much like the rest of their room, is still not quite finished. 

3. I’ll catch up on that homework I’ve been meaning to do. Oh, did I mention, I technically still take classes and my current one doesn’t end until May 3rd? Ugh…yea there’s that. And the homework that still isn’t getting done for it. Mainly because of the aforementioned constant sleeping…

4. I’ll get bored having all this time and nothing to do. Given that I’ve been working since I was roughly 14 years old and have only had the 6 week stint when Logan was born where I wasn’t working, I’ll surely go crazy with too much time on my hands, right?? Wrong. Still a very long to-do list lurking, the ever impending arrival of the Delicatwins, and the pull of sheer exhaustion dragging me to the couch or my bed constantly. Granted, I’m only a week and a half in so maybe there will come a time when I’m just swimming in “extra time” but we’re definitely not there yet. 

5. I’ll write more blog posts. Well, seeing as how I’m already 10 days in and this is my first post so far, it’s fair to say this one has met the same fate as the other lies I’ve told myself. But hey, who knows, maybe I really will start posting more like I always intend to. Maybe….

I could go on for quite a while, but basically it comes down to more shit that’s not getting done because I grossly overestimated the amount of energy I’d have to put into said activities. I guess growing two humans is probably as good of an excuse to sleep all day as you’re gonna get. Here’s to a few more weeks of it left!! 

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

T’its all good…

Just unfollowed a breastfeeding FB page because they were too crunchy, bordering really on militant, even for me. Yes, even for me… 

Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m all for breastfeeding. Like very much so. I actually don’t understand the choice to formula feed, as in doing so not because breastfeeding isn’t working and you have to make sure the baby is fed, but as your choice from the get-go. I’d love to have a conversation with someone about it, because I’m honestly just curious and not judging whatsoever but haven’t had the opportunity to hear anyone else explain it. And I happen to be polite enough not to make people explain themselves for their parenting choices when it comes up in casual public contexts. I really don’t care how anyone feeds their baby as long as they’re being fed, I’m just curious about the choice to not even give breastfeeding a try. But that’s beside the point. 

At the opposite end of the playing field, there are the breastfeeding moms who insist on taking their shirts off for every feed, regardless of where they are, and then berating said formula moms for their inability to parent properly…these are the kinds moms who were running this particular FB page. Militant. 🙄 I genuinely don’t know what the big deal about having a small amount of modesty out in public is. I don’t understand why people freak out about any breastfeeding at all in public either, but much like being at the beach, we do all have a choice as to how much (or how little) of ourselves to expose. 

Personally, I’ll admit that I’m more on the shy side of the fence when it comes to the public nudity. Sober at least, when I’m good and sauced I pretty much couldn’t care less about anything lol. But maybe that’s why I don’t get the big deal of trying to cover just a little bit, because I’m already going to try and do that either way based on my personal preferences. But it just doesn’t seem all that difficult to not have an entire tit flopped out on the table…I’m not even talking about covering with a blanket or nursing cover, I think you can be reasonably well covered once there is a latch just by the way you hold the baby and also based in the kind of shirt you’re wearing. Like if you have a turtleneck on, maybe don’t try to pull your boob through the neck piece. Go with the lift-up from the waist. Is it really that hard?

And this FB page, given my thoughts right there, would have absolutely trashed both my opinion and my very “loyalty” to the breastfeeding cause and to women in general, just because I don’t see the need to be flinging titties all over the damn place veiled as basic feeding necessity. It seems more obnoxious than that. Like, I don’t care if a guy is peeing in some bushes…but when he starts waving his dick all around in my face then yea, I might start getting offended at that point. And honestly it’s not even that I disagree with moms who choose to breastfeed however they want to. What do I care?? Flash your titties all over the damn place as far as I’m concerned. But don’t be surprised that the rest of the world isn’t as accepting of it. You have to kind of understand that not everyone feels the same way, and you might get side glances or comments just as someone who chooses to have green hair or many facial piercings or any other type of “non-norm” decisions might. And YES (sigh), I get and sympathize that breastfeeding should be totally normal in all of its forms, etc etc etc, but let’s be real…right now we’re just not quite there yet. Be glad you live in 2016 where we are a lot closer to it being the norm than the moms in the 1960’s for example who were told that breastfeeding was only for poor people and that babies were better off drinking formula. We’ve come a long way baby…

Rant over. Anyway, point is I’m sick of the mom shaming, and it definitely comes from all directions. 

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Best. Weekend. Ever. 

Admittedly I should have written this post 6 days ago when I was still in the glow of said best weekend ever. But hey, maybe writing about it will bring me back a little bit…

So last Friday my OB was oh so kind as to promise that I only had to make it through two more weeks of work and then she’d write me out to start maternity leave, and I’d start getting short term disability. Now I won’t go on a soapbox about the problems with America and family leave, nor the fact that we’re classifying pregnancy/childbirth as a “disability,” but obviously we’re regrettably behind the rest of the world as far as ensuring that new or expanding families get taken care of and don’t go bankrupt trying to bond with their new babies. Like I said, don’t get me started lol…

But who cares about any of that when they just said I have a real, finite time before I get to leave the hellhole of a job I have?!? (I’m whining, it’s not really that bad, but I do hate it and I’m so, so done with it like 3 months ago). No but seriously, I sang “Oh Happy Day” like Sister Act that Friday when she told me that. 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻 I could probably have run a marathon on all the adrenaline that was coursing through me. AN END!! And more than 4 days before my scheduled c-section even, which had previously been the game plan and would have meant another 6 weeks of work after what I have left to work as it is. And as long as all goes well, it means I’ll have real time before they arrive to get things ready at home or just sleep 16 hours a day, or whatever the hell I want to do till they vacate my body. With Logan, I literally called out of work the day my water broke and we went to the hospital, so the prospect of real leave time before the arrival was golden. It was pure bliss hearing that news, my body didn’t hurt excessively for like a whole 18 hours I swear. 

So there was that, which was plenty all on its own, and then on Sunday our friends threw us an amazing shower. Like, I was seriously impressed and that’s the kind of shit I rock at. It was a shower like I’d have put on, and not to be a bitch but that’s a big compliment. The girls were of course well spoiled, and their wardrobe is definitely starting to fill out (thank God, because little as they may be, those clothes add up really freaking quick). Definitely one of my favorites was the super cute matching onesie/tutu/hair band set made by one of our good friends:  Needless to say, last Monday I was riding pretty high. The effects have worn off, especially after a long week of work (arguably one of the longer weeks, of course). But one down, only one left…five days is all I have to pull through…and then let the nesting begin!! (And/or the excessive sleeping, you know…whatever works…)

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

The Name Game

Admittedly, this post is a bit overdue…

So the babies finally (FINALLY) have names!! First and middle names even!! (When I first started this post Monday afternoon, middle names weren’t set yet, but I was still calling it a win because two first names for girls were effing SOOOO hard to come up with!!)

Naming them was such a challenge for a couple reasons…the biggest of which is probably that my husband and I have very different name styles that we like – something we already knew after having to name Logan five years ago and having a hard enough time just doing the one. Dan likes more traditional (read: boring) names while I prefer more modern (in his opinion, weird) name choices. So he was throwing out names like Jennifer, Kelly, Amber, etc. while I was going for choices like Aubrey, Piper, Zoe, and so on. I told him that if we knew 20 people our own age with the name that he could assume I wasn’t going to go for it lol. 

Then on top of it, the names have to sound nice together, be able to stand up individually, and also go with both our last names and Logan’s name. It was a hot mess, honestly, and we had weeks on end where we just didn’t talk about names at all to avoid the frustration. But eventually, we settled on them and then quickly got them onto Facebook before one of the 30 other pregnant moms we know could “take” one of them and we’d have to start the process all over again. 

SO…I’m very, very proud to lay claim to my girls’ names: Arielle Piper (Baby A) and Daniela Rylee (Baby B). Dani and Ari for short…and we’re hoping the spelling of Arielle will help people pronounce it the way we want them to (Ahh-ree-ell as opposed to air-ee-uhl like from The Little Mermaid). They’re both beautiful full names, have cute nicknames, go well together and individually, and sound great alongside Logan and with our last names too. Cute on tiny babies and names they can put on job applications as adults without grimacing. Total package. And now that we’ve made it “Facebook official” I couldn’t care less if someone else steals one because they’re unique enough that we’ll all know they just took our idea. Perfect. 

Fun facts: Coincedentally, both girls’ names have the same number of letters in them…I’m a total numbers nerd so when I realized this I was stoked (yup, go ahead, go back and count them, I know you want to…). And Daniela, who is obviously named after her father, has the same initials as him too, DRD (“Dr. D” my husband calls it). Her middle name is also spelled the way it is because originally I’d wanted to give the middle name Lee to one of the girls – it’s both my and my dad’s middle name – but once we picked the first names, I found I didn’t like it with either one (and we sure as hell weren’t going back to the first name conversation) so after Dan suggested Rylee and we agreed on that, I realized I could still sneak Lee in there if we spelled it Rylee instead of Riley. Boom. 

The names also give a nod, albeit loosely, to two badass characters from Game of Thrones – Danaerys(/Khaleesi) is often called Dany in the books, and Arya is called “Arry” while she’s on the run from King’s Landing. Amazing, strong, self-sufficient girls. Then Logan of course is the “real” name of Wolverine, so we clearly just have a habit of picking badass character names for our kids…  

So why all the fuss about naming them so soon in the first place? Aside from my classic Type A need to have everything planned in advance, I also had a very real fear that if we couldn’t pick them in the time we had before they were born, they might never have names at all. Or we’d settle on something mediocre just to get it over with. I feel like it also helps us bond with them a little more before they’re even here…it’s a little more personal and “real” when I can refer to either of them by name. 

But the biggest reason, the thing that was really starting to get to me, was that whenever the subject came up and we said that we didn’t have names picked out, people felt the need to start throwing out suggestions at us. Drove me crazy. About half of the time it was “name them after me!” and the other half it was awful names or pairs of names that I hated and then had to try and nicely deflect without hurting their feelings. Every freaking time…both annoying as all hell. And on the rare occasion that someone suggested one that wasn’t terrible, I immediately got turned off even if I did previously like it, because later on I didn’t want anyone else to be able to say that they had named one of my kids.  

So mostly I just avoided the conversation with others as best as I could. Once you pick the name(s), I’ve found that people are usually fairly good about shutting their mouths if their opinion of it isn’t so great. Which is good, cuz they’re my kids and in the end I’ll call them whatever the hell I want to…

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

To Work or Not To Work??

That is the question of the hour….well, sort of…

Just short of 2 hours from my latest ultrasound and 26 week appointment, I’m contemplating what the coming weeks will be like should they decide to put me on bed rest. It’s kind of a double edged sword…like, sure it’d be nice not to have to go to work anymore – especially since I really don’t love anything about the job or the 40-minutes-each-way commute that complicates all plans as we get closer to “go” time. But at the same time, there are financial considerations of course that have their own implications if I have to leave work at this point (health insurance, Short Term Disability pay, not enough paid time earned up between now and when the STD kicks in, etc…) 

But even more so than that is the dual fear that A) we’re completely totally not ready for these babies whatsoever yet, like as in they have a nursery with a bunch of stuff just hanging out ready to be re-washed and prepared and about 6 outfits total for them to wear (hell, our shower isn’t even for another 4 weeks…); and B) they’re totally not ready for us just yet either…I mean sure, 26 weeks is past the threshold of viability, but just barely, and their birth at this point would mean months and months of time in the NICU and struggles just to stay alive and get healthy. Not to mention the lasting effects of such prematurity moving forward in their lives. Scary shit…

So what is it that even brings the bed rest question into my head right now? Well there are the increasingly frequent contractions, which at this point are very most likely just Braxton Hicks and totally harmless and normal. Until they aren’t. Like every effing symptom of pregnancy, it’s normal until it isn’t. Puking is normal, until it lands you in the hospital and on an IV. Running warm constantly is normal, until your core temp spikes for hours and you start to literally cook your baby(/ies) within yourself. So BH’s yes, they’re normal and even more common/early/frequent with twins…until they’re actually changing the cervix and throwing you into preterm labor. Which is something I can’t know without the aid of an ultrasound tech who knows what the hell she’s looking at, or at the least an OB who can take a peek and see what she thinks. Then there’s this other thing – “pelvic pressure” – which I’m not totally certain even what the hell that means but it’s another sign of preterm labor and that’s pretty much my mom-paranoia topic of the moment. Like, it definitely feels like someone is wrenching my hips open as though giant thumbs are at my back and their hands are prying open my pelvis from behind. But I have twins sitting side-by-side in my uterus and growing like freaking weeds so what the hell should I expect?! 

ALSO, my Logan has increasingly been talking about the babies coming as though it’s impending like days and not a couple months…I’m trying hard to chalk that up to an excited 4 year old getting siblings for the first time, but there’s also this little voice in my head saying “kids just know these things sometimes….” so we’re back in the land of mom paranoia there too. Ugh….

Regardless, obviously hoping just for healthy babies. Even hoping for slightly big babies for date, since the danger of preterm labor is SO much higher with twins and my Logan was a peanut at full-term to begin with anyway. Definitely hoping to pass my glucose test too, since the thought of a world without binge eating ice cream to feed two hungry humans (three hungry humans, let’s be honest…) is a world I don’t want to be a part of – cue a sassy new song for Ariel there… 

And I’m really, really, REALLY hoping these little monkeys get over their stage fright and show off their lady bits (or otherwise) so I can more confidently start decking their room out in pink, buying cute little dresses, and maybe someday even finally come up with names for them… Girls – no one in this family is shy, your mother least of anyone, so it’s time you learned to follow suit… 🎀🎀🙌🏻😘