Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

A lesson in self-care…

I very often tell my 6-year-old how much I thank him, appreciate him, couldn’t live without him, etc. for all he does – and you know why?! Because he HELPS OUT more than anyone could imagine, and I’m truly grateful for that!! I joke all the time that he does “everything but diapers” – but it’s actually true. This kid *actually* watches, entertains, wrangles his sisters while I’m cooking or doing laundry or the dishes or whatever else I might need to get done around the house. He’s *actually* there for the 2.5 minutes that I’m worried that Ari will climb out of her high chair and plummet to her death. He takes baths with them both so they have more fun (because they really do when he’s there). And when mom is yelling at everyone because she’s at her last straw, he comforts them and tells them what to do to not make me be so angry anymore (in a 6 year old’s way, but it honestly always calms me a bit too, lol). 

He does it all without question and with love, laughter, and a super genuine adoration for his baby sisters, nearly every time I ask him for the favor (hey, no one’s perfect; why should I expect him to be?!) My beautiful little 4-year-old niece Elizabeth assists him when she’s here, (we get her every other weekend and some holidays…standard “separated-parents scenario”) and it’s basically the cutest thing you’ve ever seen with the four of them. 

And then we come to today….today I told him to go take some time for himself. The girls were screaming at me for some dinner (which I was making for them at the time) and he was trying to help but you could tell he was tired. The kind of tired that I get at the end of the night. The kind of tired where you, yes, still love them so very much but maybe just want to run away forever kind of tired….

Self care is important. Really important. And I told him that. I strongly encouraged him to have a moment to himself when we got home,  because he had been with the girls all day while I was at work, and I knew he really needed it. Again, self-care is really important. It’s important for you and I, and it’s important for a six year old too, especially when he has baby twin sisters that he genuinely helps with day in and day out. 

And now he’s in the bathtub, teaching his girlies “how to blow bubbles” because he got a little recharge and came back to help for the night while dad’s still at work. I told him to take 5 minutes in his room but gave him half an hour (or more….I really never did ask him to come back downstairs…) to have for himself. When he hesitated at first, I told him it was important for him to take care of himself too. That even though I might need help, that it was important for him to take care of himself. And he totally did, and I was super proud. 😍😍

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Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

It’s 5 o’clock in the morning….

Aaaand I’m going so nuts, literally packing everything in the damn house for our first family “vacation” for an entire week away with the 5 of us. I mean, thank God the girls aren’t on formula anymore (bc you bet your ass I’d be bringing that Baby Brezza too if they were) but the amount of shit you need, or think you need anyway, for 3 young kids for a week in the middle of nowhere is maddening. Please, little blue pill, just get me through the night here…. πŸ’ŠπŸ˜³πŸ˜¬βœŒπŸ»πŸ˜‚

So fingers are crossed that we actually have a good time and all of that. I’m skeptical (especially bc alllllll of the siblings are gonna be there and plus who knows who else will show up lol) but this is as good as it’s getting for as far out as I can see right now, especially financially but even just logistically, so we’re gonna effing make the best of it!!

I was doing my “last shopping” earlier tonight for the trip (which, we still have to go first thing….meaning in a couple of hours…for some very, very last minute stuff anyway, smh…) and ran into one of my new mom friends. Well, when I say my new mom friend, what I really mean is that Logan has a new friend from teeball and those little friends tend to come with parents that you have to deal with regularly, like it or not. But this one seems great….cool, easy to talk to, seems like she drinks like a fish like me (which, if anyone can keep pace with me they immediately get bonus points in my book, lol). We shot the shit for like 10 full minutes where it was glorious not to care what I was supposed to be doing or who wanted what or who was beating on who or anything else that is the nonsense of my daily life right now. What a difference to effing feel normal, like you have friends in this God-forsaken town in the middle of effing nowhere lol. I grew up here and still feel like I have way more friends back in Newton. Making friends as an adult is the effing most awkward thing in the universe, man. Idk how the hell people without kids even do it at all because these days it seems like the only new friends I come across are because of my kid in all honesty! But I digress….

Soooooo β€ͺ#momconfession: today I bought my daughters bathing suits (…bikinis…) that I’m honestly kind of horrified at, but they were the only cute, matching, in-their-size bathing suits at Walmart less than 12 hours before vacation, and we needed (“needed”) another set…..my obsession with dressing them alike has officially reached a new low….‬

But they’re soooooo cute tho…. 😍😍

Here’s to packing till the last minute, staying up all night, no one getting a bath lmfao, and to what better be a fucking great week away from reality…. πŸ»βœŒπŸ»πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡ΈπŸŽ‰πŸ‘πŸ»

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

When you finally grow up….

The thing about when you finally grow up is that it doesn’t happen all at once. I mean, maybe for some people it does, but for me it didn’t. It took me the better part of 6 years worth of having kid(s), 7 years of marriage, and a late night trip to Walmart for essentials for me to get there. Cruising down the aisles with only trash bags and two gallons of milk in my arms, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All the shit I wanted – all of those cool things and impulse buys that you pass when having to go all the effing way to the back of the store for a gallon of milk – I saw them all so clearly that night for whatever reason…along with just when those impulse buys faded away for me, one by one through the years. Adulting at its finest, #truth ✌🏻.

Maybe it was from watching our wedding video with Logan earlier that day; maybe it was just that life was becoming so overwhelming and intolerable, honestly. And maybe it was just time. Looking at the “treat” of a king sized Reese’s I got for myself, since the kids are in bed after all, and the Kit Kat I got for Dan (because it would be inconsiderate to come home without something for him too), all while trying to go as quickly as possible so as not to lose my slick-mom-wine-buzz I’ve achieved tonight, it hits like a wrecking ball. It’s this wonderfully terrifying combination of hollow, accomplished, defeated pride that I can only imagine is what comes standard with a pack of 3 kids, a house you can’t afford and two jobs that aren’t cutting it. Yikes, lol 😳. Oh well. 

As I pull up to the McD’s window for my dinner (that yes, I am finally going to eat…after a fat bowl-skie or two when I get back home…) I remember that it was I who used to work that same late night drive-thru shift at a McD’s near the UCONN campus – with the same combination of nice, reasonable people like myself just trying to get some food real quick along with some dicks who were total assholes because they were drunk, or young, or just stupid, much like the ones in line with me right now – and I realize that while everything has changed, nothing has really changed at all…. πŸ€”πŸ˜³πŸ€¦πŸΌβ€β™€οΈβœŒπŸ»

Adulthood, Babies, Bad Day, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Ari’s ER Adventure…

Kind of a rough post after 2 (or more?) months without an update, but there’s only one of me and so much to do on the regular lol. But I don’t want the fuss of posting this to Facebook in realtime and I can’t not document the experience either…
So. I’m in the ER with a sick baby for the very first time….and it’s pretty terrifying. With the exception of Logan’s broken arm at the end of this past summer, none of my kids had ever had an ER trip, something I was pretty proud of. If you know me at all, you know I’m not an alarmist, a germaphobe, or someone who runs to the doctor’s office over every little cough or scrape. Much less a visit to the ER. They basically have to be dying for me to go in. But after a long conversation first with the on-call nurse and then the on-call doctor, we decided to play it safe (so as to make sure she isn’t dying…) and head down to the hospital. Logan cried when I said he couldn’t come and just did not want to hear about how boring the ordeal would be for him or how I didn’t want him in the hospital exposed to crap that he didn’t need to be exposed to. So I kissed my teary eyed five-year-old good night and headed into the dark with my middle child Arielle (my older twin…by like 30 seconds…aka Sick Child…) to go to the ER and see just what it is that’s going on. 

12/22/16 9:00pm – we check into Day Kimball’s ER, the local hospital in the area. Place is along the lines of that quote “though she be but little, she is fierce” cuz it’s basically a full service hospital in a tiny, rural area. You get sent to a major city for treatment if you need more than they can give you here, and like it becomes a no-joke situation. Anyway, we get checked in, smooth and easy and everyone fawns over how cute Sick Child is. And then I tell them she has a twin and I think one just dropped to the floor in awe lol. 

9:15p – We get into an ER room and they take Sick Child’s temp…103.3, which is even higher than the 103.0 that made me call the pedi on-call in the first place at about 7:30. Even more troubling, this is after giving her Tylenol at 7:45ish which should have brought it right down. They tell us to hang tight, make us comfortable on the bed, and Sick Child passes out nice and hard for one of the first times all day.  

10:10p – They finally bring her some Motrin to work on that fever, which of course wakes her up and she goes back to grunting and moaning at me so that I know full well that she is not feeling well. Dr says she’ll be in to evaluate soon. 

10:38p – No sign of Dr yet, but Sick Child has fallen back asleep so she’ll probably be here any minute. In other news, I’ve figured out how to use Snapchat filters. You’re welcome in advance, world…

10:45p – Dr comes in (told you it would be any minute now), evaluates, and orders chest X-ray and does RSV test swab. And now we wait….

11:10p – Chest X-ray done, featuring this contraption which looks like it’s from the mid-1800’s or so. Sick child is not pleased. 

11:30pm – While waiting for the X-ray and RSV test results, Sick Child decides to try out some new looks for Christmas Day festivities to keep the mood light lol #snapchatfilters #defgonnaoverusethese

12/23, 1:00am(ish) – I’m woken by the sweetest, gentelest arm shake from the Dr at the ER. Sick Child and I had apparently both fallen asleep… X-rays negative for pneumonia, but she’s positive for RSV and her breathing is still way faster than it should be (and it’s been hours at this point). They’re transferring her to CT Children’s Medical Center so she can be admitted and observed (for at least) overnight. They say it could be 24-48 hours though….I’m seriously hoping that will not be the case. But anything at all for baby girl to feel better and be safe. Massive texting with husband and mom to figure out logistics ensues. 

1:40am – Sick Child and I take our first ride in an ambulance  together…not how I’d have chosen to try out an ambulance ride (though, really what scenario is good to try an ambulance ride anyway?) Sick Child sleeps like a baby (see what I did there lol) nearly the whole ride dispite some serious bumpiness. 

2:40a – We arrive at CT Children’s Medical Center (CCMC) and Sick Child has perked back up during the ambulance ride. Oxygen levels back up to normal, but they’re still gonna admit her and monitor everything. Nurses and Drs start checking all the symptoms and going through all the questions again. I’m honestly exhausted at this point, physically and mentally. Did I mention I was also up till like 3:30a last night finishing Big Brother’s school gifts for his little classmates? Cuz yea, I was…

3:30a – Mean nurses come in to start an IV drip on Sick Child, poke her poor little hand and create this big wrap around her arm so she doesn’t pull it out. She’s so lethargic at this point that instead of wailing like I expected when stuck, she just moans at me some more and looks at me like, “make them stop mommmm…” **Disclaimer: the nurses were actually very sweet and nice and wonderful. They just put a needle in my sweet baby girl and it was no fun at all to have to watch, that’s all. 

3:50a – Nurses come in to try a nebulizer/albuterol treatment on Sick Child to see if that helps the breathing at all. Dr says that it is kind of unlikely to do much, but that it doesn’t hurt and if it does work then that’s a good step in the right direction. Adorable mini dinosaur nebulizer is used, and I’m a little upset that it seems inappropriate to take a picture of its cuteness. 

4:10a – Nebulizer, as predicted, does not do much for Sick Child and we get wheeled in to the respiratory distress room to put her on a high-flow oxygen line. They suction out her nose and throat (and lungs maybe? That tube looked pretty long…) and what appears to be half her body weight in mucus comes out and goes away in a tube to somewhere that must be infinitely disgusting. High-flow oxygen is started and Sick Child is noticably more comfortable almost immediately. 

4:45 – Grandma arrives in the ER just in time as they’re about to admit Sick Child. I’m just relieved that if I suddenly pass out from exhaustion that someone will be there to catch her…

5:10a – Sick Child and I get wheeled up to the PICU and when we arrive at her room and I see a crib, I realize I’m going to have to put her down so the medical team can do what they need to…for the first time during this whole ordeal I start to tear up but offer her to the mercy of the professionals anyway…


5:50a – Deep sleep finally (for her) while grandma and I sit and stare at her. And so ends the adventure of the ER…

Ari’s stay would last 5 days, 4 of which were in the PICU, putting us in the hospital for the babies’ first Christmas. Hellish and terrifying but nothing to make you realize what you’re made of like watching your little one fighting like that in a hospital bed. This is where the crazy idea to go to nursing school truly stems from…. 


Adulthood, Babies, Bad Day, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

That Post You Don’t Want to Post but You Have to because that’s Just Where You Are Right Now

Omg so….I don’t even know where we’re at with stories of the twins and all the happy nonsense I typically post. This is not that post. I’ve had a hellish week, a little wine, and want to vent to the world about just wtf like wtf has happened here. 

My life feels like hell. Like that wonderful “I have three healthy,wonderful kids and a great husband” kind of hell but I can assure you it does exist. I’ve had awful anxiety basically all month but especially the past week because I sucked dry my supply of good anxiety drugs too early in the month and now I’m SOL to deal with things on my own. I self medicate with wine. I pretend I know what the hell I’m doing, but I haven’t got a clue. 

I feel like I must definitely spend more time with my “more difficult” twin and feel bad about that. Whether or not it’s even true is another story entirely. They each have their days, but Dani seems to have more than Ari if I think about it. I feel like I have just not got a clue what the hell in supposed to be doing as I try (SO FUCKING HARD) to fulfill both the needs of my now 4 month old twins and my 5 year old who just started kindergarten. I feel like I’m failing constantly. I feel like I can’t keep it together. Like for real. 

And that’s how this week has been. Just. Fucking. Awful. Ugh…

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic

PokeMongo

It must be tough to be 5 years old and not only have an iPhone, but also be required to physically walk around to get these damn Pokemon…really tough stuff there. Logan is absolutely wailing right now because he can’t “just make the guy walk around.” It really seems like five is going to be a challenging year. Smdh… #whitekidproblems #firstworldproblems #whenIwasyouragesmh #PokemonGo #thatsthewholepoint #fivenager #isthatathing #itisnow #wheresthewine 😑😳😱😲

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Wombos Maxima, Indeed…

Although I will concede that ultrasounds are not, in fact, the most reliable of measurement sources at the end of a pregnancy, I’m still reveling in the awesomeness of myself that I’m managing to haul around 10.5 lbs of healthy Delicata girl babies every day now. Yup, 10.5 lbs…Ari measured at 5 lbs even, Dani came in at 5 lbs 8 oz. And I’m not even stuck on bedrest or making everyone around me do everything for me. Pretty badass. And wombos maxima indeed at this point. These not-so-teeny little girls will be making their appearance any day now, at the very most 11 days from now they’ll be evicted if they haven’t shown up by then. And of course, I’m looking as huge as ever lol… 

Being on week 4 now of my maternity leave, I have an inordinate amount of time to waste on Facebook and other junk on my phone, but nothing has been annoying me quite like FB has lately. Maybe it’s because everything annoys me these days…maybe it’s because the people I know really are annoying. Maybe a little of both. I don’t know. But what I do know is I’m about 3 annoying posts away from deleting the app altogether and never looking back. 

I can’t tell what’s the worst – the idiots on my page rambling improperly spelled garbage within a sea of bad grammar, the endless “quiz” nonsense posts that tell you your “5 top FB friends” or your fucking “Disney spirit animal” or whatever the fuck else, or if it’s the self-righteous, “perfect-life” posts from people who clearly have everything figured out (and done right…) It’s all junk at this point to me. Right up there on my list with mom-shaming (or choice-shaming in general really) and having to listen to people chew. Maybe these babies just really need to vacate so I can go back to being a normally cynical person, instead of the hell-beast that pregnancy has once again turned me into. Or at least just give me my wine back, then things won’t bother me so much (or I won’t care if they do lol). 

11 more days…but feel free to come sooner girls. We’re ready πŸ˜‰

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Lies I Told Myself about Maternity Leave

So I did realize the other day that I haven’t posted any pictures yet of my hugeness, and let’s be honest – if you’re reading a twin mom blog you obviously want to see some pictures of the grotesqueness as it develops. So here’s a shot from last week – I’m 33 weeks in these. 

Good, got that out of the way, at least once. Now in these I do look roughly like a normal woman at full term, but keep in mind that I still have 5 weeks left till delivery here (and 7 weeks until my actual due date). So I still have a lot of growing to be done, as do the girls. They’re weighing in at just over 4 lbs each as of my 34 week appointment yesterday. So while they’ve got a little meat on their bones just in case they decide to come early, I still want to keep them in the oven at least a few more weeks to fatten up and all of that. 

And of course, so I can take full advantage of all the perks of maternity leave for a few more weeks (and by that I basically mean the receiving of short term disability while I’m home sleeping 16 hours a day). Because, as the title suggests, I have told myself a lot of lies about what maternity leave would entail, and at the end of the day (days…) I basically just sleep and eat and turn food into humans while watching old seasons of Game of Thrones. 

1. I’ll have the girls’ room ready in the first week – you know, just in case they decide to come early, everything will be all ready for them to come home. HAHAHA. The whole first week, to be fair, I loaded with appointments and other things I’d been putting off for months so it was pretty busy anyway, aside from the fact that straight exhaustion has taken over. Either way, the girls’ room isn’t done yet. 

2. I’ll get their clothes all organized so I’ll know exactly what they still need. I surprised myself with how much laundry I did get done for them during the first week, but alas…their closet, much like the rest of their room, is still not quite finished. 

3. I’ll catch up on that homework I’ve been meaning to do. Oh, did I mention, I technically still take classes and my current one doesn’t end until May 3rd? Ugh…yea there’s that. And the homework that still isn’t getting done for it. Mainly because of the aforementioned constant sleeping…

4. I’ll get bored having all this time and nothing to do. Given that I’ve been working since I was roughly 14 years old and have only had the 6 week stint when Logan was born where I wasn’t working, I’ll surely go crazy with too much time on my hands, right?? Wrong. Still a very long to-do list lurking, the ever impending arrival of the Delicatwins, and the pull of sheer exhaustion dragging me to the couch or my bed constantly. Granted, I’m only a week and a half in so maybe there will come a time when I’m just swimming in “extra time” but we’re definitely not there yet. 

5. I’ll write more blog posts. Well, seeing as how I’m already 10 days in and this is my first post so far, it’s fair to say this one has met the same fate as the other lies I’ve told myself. But hey, who knows, maybe I really will start posting more like I always intend to. Maybe….

I could go on for quite a while, but basically it comes down to more shit that’s not getting done because I grossly overestimated the amount of energy I’d have to put into said activities. I guess growing two humans is probably as good of an excuse to sleep all day as you’re gonna get. Here’s to a few more weeks of it left!! 

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

T’its all good…

Just unfollowed a breastfeeding FB page because they were too crunchy, bordering really on militant, even for me. Yes, even for me… 

Now, don’t get me wrong…I’m all for breastfeeding. Like very much so. I actually don’t understand the choice to formula feed, as in doing so not because breastfeeding isn’t working and you have to make sure the baby is fed, but as your choice from the get-go. I’d love to have a conversation with someone about it, because I’m honestly just curious and not judging whatsoever but haven’t had the opportunity to hear anyone else explain it. And I happen to be polite enough not to make people explain themselves for their parenting choices when it comes up in casual public contexts. I really don’t care how anyone feeds their baby as long as they’re being fed, I’m just curious about the choice to not even give breastfeeding a try. But that’s beside the point. 

At the opposite end of the playing field, there are the breastfeeding moms who insist on taking their shirts off for every feed, regardless of where they are, and then berating said formula moms for their inability to parent properly…these are the kinds moms who were running this particular FB page. Militant. πŸ™„ I genuinely don’t know what the big deal about having a small amount of modesty out in public is. I don’t understand why people freak out about any breastfeeding at all in public either, but much like being at the beach, we do all have a choice as to how much (or how little) of ourselves to expose. 

Personally, I’ll admit that I’m more on the shy side of the fence when it comes to the public nudity. Sober at least, when I’m good and sauced I pretty much couldn’t care less about anything lol. But maybe that’s why I don’t get the big deal of trying to cover just a little bit, because I’m already going to try and do that either way based on my personal preferences. But it just doesn’t seem all that difficult to not have an entire tit flopped out on the table…I’m not even talking about covering with a blanket or nursing cover, I think you can be reasonably well covered once there is a latch just by the way you hold the baby and also based in the kind of shirt you’re wearing. Like if you have a turtleneck on, maybe don’t try to pull your boob through the neck piece. Go with the lift-up from the waist. Is it really that hard?

And this FB page, given my thoughts right there, would have absolutely trashed both my opinion and my very “loyalty” to the breastfeeding cause and to women in general, just because I don’t see the need to be flinging titties all over the damn place veiled as basic feeding necessity. It seems more obnoxious than that. Like, I don’t care if a guy is peeing in some bushes…but when he starts waving his dick all around in my face then yea, I might start getting offended at that point. And honestly it’s not even that I disagree with moms who choose to breastfeed however they want to. What do I care?? Flash your titties all over the damn place as far as I’m concerned. But don’t be surprised that the rest of the world isn’t as accepting of it. You have to kind of understand that not everyone feels the same way, and you might get side glances or comments just as someone who chooses to have green hair or many facial piercings or any other type of “non-norm” decisions might. And YES (sigh), I get and sympathize that breastfeeding should be totally normal in all of its forms, etc etc etc, but let’s be real…right now we’re just not quite there yet. Be glad you live in 2016 where we are a lot closer to it being the norm than the moms in the 1960’s for example who were told that breastfeeding was only for poor people and that babies were better off drinking formula. We’ve come a long way baby…

Rant over. Anyway, point is I’m sick of the mom shaming, and it definitely comes from all directions. 

Adulthood, Babies, Parenting, RealTalk, Sarcastic, Twins

Best. Weekend. Ever.Β 

Admittedly I should have written this post 6 days ago when I was still in the glow of said best weekend ever. But hey, maybe writing about it will bring me back a little bit…

So last Friday my OB was oh so kind as to promise that I only had to make it through two more weeks of work and then she’d write me out to start maternity leave, and I’d start getting short term disability. Now I won’t go on a soapbox about the problems with America and family leave, nor the fact that we’re classifying pregnancy/childbirth as a “disability,” but obviously we’re regrettably behind the rest of the world as far as ensuring that new or expanding families get taken care of and don’t go bankrupt trying to bond with their new babies. Like I said, don’t get me started lol…

But who cares about any of that when they just said I have a real, finite time before I get to leave the hellhole of a job I have?!? (I’m whining, it’s not really that bad, but I do hate it and I’m so, so done with it like 3 months ago). No but seriously, I sang “Oh Happy Day” like Sister Act that Friday when she told me that. πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ» I could probably have run a marathon on all the adrenaline that was coursing through me. AN END!! And more than 4 days before my scheduled c-section even, which had previously been the game plan and would have meant another 6 weeks of work after what I have left to work as it is. And as long as all goes well, it means I’ll have real time before they arrive to get things ready at home or just sleep 16 hours a day, or whatever the hell I want to do till they vacate my body. With Logan, I literally called out of work the day my water broke and we went to the hospital, so the prospect of real leave time before the arrival was golden. It was pure bliss hearing that news, my body didn’t hurt excessively for like a whole 18 hours I swear. 

So there was that, which was plenty all on its own, and then on Sunday our friends threw us an amazing shower. Like, I was seriously impressed and that’s the kind of shit I rock at. It was a shower like I’d have put on, and not to be a bitch but that’s a big compliment. The girls were of course well spoiled, and their wardrobe is definitely starting to fill out (thank God, because little as they may be, those clothes add up really freaking quick). Definitely one of my favorites was the super cute matching onesie/tutu/hair band set made by one of our good friends:  Needless to say, last Monday I was riding pretty high. The effects have worn off, especially after a long week of work (arguably one of the longer weeks, of course). But one down, only one left…five days is all I have to pull through…and then let the nesting begin!! (And/or the excessive sleeping, you know…whatever works…)